I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
