she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
