If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
