Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize