She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
