your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
