Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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