I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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