YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
