gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
