I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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