HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
