You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This house was built for laser tag.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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