hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
