I feel great
I just peed on a car
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
