you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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