Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
