I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
