Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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