He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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