I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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