Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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