Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
