Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize