I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
