I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
