when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
