sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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