she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
