Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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