The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
