Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
