I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize