Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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