I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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