i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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