what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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