you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
