I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
