Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
