I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
