She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm bleeding and have questions
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