Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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