you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
