there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my poor anus
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Text me some of your sweat
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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