OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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