Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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