The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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