Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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