some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
