So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
