I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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