Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
