Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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