i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
