They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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